Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize