I didn't shave. On purpose
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
