Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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