don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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