Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
