I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
