puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
