Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
