State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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