ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I did not marry a roomba.
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