You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize