IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize