i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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