Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
