After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
