Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
