I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got inside last night via doggy door
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
