it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
