Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
