ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's blow job season.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
