boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
