Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
