My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
