just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
