Yo dont text me then not text me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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