I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
