How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
