So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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