nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
