i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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