ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
