walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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