How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Operation Purity has been aborted
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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