Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize