God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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