can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
