But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
