I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
