I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
