Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
