then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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