my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
