The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
