He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
