I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
