my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
