I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
