Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
