Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
