in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
