she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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