Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
