Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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