I am spending my child support on dildos
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
