theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize