I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
