i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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