New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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