dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So vagazzling was a success
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
