She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
