He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
