I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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