I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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